My dog is too damn smart!!

I have a fat dog. Love her dearly, but she is fat.

Which, as her owner, I recognize is my fault. Back, a long time ago when I was getting married the first time, I lived in Lethbridge and my fiance lived in Edmonton. He couldn’t find work in Lethbridge and quite honestly, really didn’t want to as his goal had always been to work in Edmonton. So, we made the couple decision to buy a home, together, in Edmonton and that I would try to find work there.

Now, it all eventually worked out (at least the living the same city part did – not the marriage) but there was a period of six months where we owned a house in Edmonton but I didn’t live there. He had all our furniture and, naturally, the dogs went to live with him too.

I say dogs, plural, because I have a Black Lab/Border Collie, named Blue, and he had a Terrier/Poodle named Eddie. Ed was an old dog, pretty ornery and – in my ex’s opinion – liked to eat when he was “in the mood.” So, my ex would put out bowls of food, full, around the house so his dog could eat when he wanted.

The problem, and anyone who’s ever owned a Lab probably understands, is that Blue will eat any food, at any time. So, she ate…and ate…and ate…and THIRTY POUNDS later, I had a seriously fat dog by the time I moved to Edmonton and figured out what was going on.

So, she was put on diet food, the amount carefully monitored, and her exercise regime was bumped up. It just was never enough! She lost some weight, but the poor dear had an ass like a coffee table.

Then I went to Vegas, where I got a really weird text message from my brother, who was house sitting asking if Blue knew how to open the fridge.

What? My dog open the fridge?? No way!!

The first couple times you find the fridge open and groceries gone, you blame yourself. Figure you must not have closed it all the way, something was caught in the door – whatever! But, it kept happening!

I caught her at it once; she’d shove her nose into the sealed section by the handle and just shove it open. And, once it was open, Blue would anything she could reach in there.

She ate chicken, a full roast, cartons of eggs, a jug of milk…it was ridiculous! I calculated the amount of groceries she was eating and realized she was actually eating me out of house and home. Plus, she was STILL FAT!!!

I did what any self-respecting dog owner would do – tried training methods, scare tactics, sneaking up on her. It didn’t matter. She would go months without touching the thing and then I’d come home and she’d eaten a few hundred dollars worth of groceries.

So, what’s a girl to do? Especially one that can’t afford to keep up with her dog’s eating issues?? I bought child locks for the fridge.

Maybe that’s giving up. I don’t care! My grocery bill is now down to a reasonable amount and, come hell or high water, I will make my ridiculously smart dog lose some weight.

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About radionesta

Martha Stewart with Betty Page bangs. I love my glue gun, drunk gardening, roller derby and radio. I prefer my music loud and my wine big, red & juicy. View all posts by radionesta

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