There’s a lot of things that go through your head when you are told you’ve been laid off.
Value: even when you can recognize that all business decisions come down to money, there’s a still the question “Aren’t I worth it?” I like to think I work extremely hard and that I do good work. To know that they’re getting rid of you and replacing you with someone cheaper, it sucks. Hell, I’d feel better knowing they’re hiring someone with twice my experience for more money!
Self critique: Even if the decision was 100% money (which you know it probably wasn’t), you know there’s reasons they chose to get rid of you instead of someone else. So, what are those reasons? Are they things that you would do differently, if you could go back in time? Or, is it a behaviour or attitude that you feel good about and would do again? Is is something that you’ll change in your next job? How much do you try to change and grow and how much do you just own the behaviour and know things have worked out for the best?
Loyalty: I am a fiercely loyal person and that extends to the station I work for. However, I still haven’t wrapped my head around the fact that no company has any real loyalty to you. I remember all the on-air staff at one station being called into the board room and we were told that if we considered moving over to one of the new stations opening up in our market, that we would never work for our current company again. Ironically, the same company that let me and the rest of the on-air staff go a year later. It’s hard to work in an industry where who you are is tied together with the product and NOT feel loyalty to it. But, it does make you question how much of yourself you really should pour into a job. Though, I don’t think I’m the kind of person that could go to work, then go home and just not care. It’s like dating someone – even if they break your heart, it’s still worth it.
Family: Because, no decision is just about you. The Wine Chef gave up a restaurant that he loved to follow me to the Okanagan. I know he doesn’t regret it, but I am aware of the sacrifice. The restaurant that he’s Head Chef & Kitchen Manager at is launching a new menu next week that he’s thrilled/excited/nervous about and is more the type of food that he enjoys preparing; a little high-end fusion. Summer is the busy season for restaurants. Plus, he loves Kelowna! We’re both gypsies that never really thought would settle down, but we can picture a life here. Our wedding is here in two months. It’s home.
So, I’m beating myself up a bit but also realizing I have to stand up for myself and what’s right; doing a bit of reassessing about my work/life balance and how out of whack it’s been the last year and a half; trying not to dwell on the anger and feelings of betrayal and look forward to the opportunities this opens and, generally, trying to make some decisions – with the Wine Chef – about what’s right for our little family.
World, here I come!!